11 weeks

It's complaint time! My back hurts. It is completely messing me up. I can't do anything because my lower back is aching so bad.

Honestly, first I was afraid this was the first symptom of a miscarriage. I tried very hard to be calm and stress free, but after the last two years I realize, even if you don't actually feel stressed your brain is still stressing, if you are encountered with a stressful situation.

That aside. I don't feel as though I am miscarrying anymore, because a massive dose of nausea hit me. God is good! Yes, more suffering, but it is a relief to be reminded that things are probably ok.

Well, a great way to manage this problem is yoga stretches. I did my stretches, and my back still hurts. I just drank my coffee for the day, and as I'm waiting for it to kick in I have decided to blog.

I am so psyched that I am 11 weeks. I am almost done with the first trimester. I really cannot wait until Sunday. As each week passes, I feel more secure, because my chances of losing my baby reduce, while the don't disappear.  I swear that every once in while I feel something in my belly. I cannot wait until I can definitely feel those kicks and twists.

Today I was just thinking how blessed I am to have some many wonderful kids. I am surrounded by my children, and they are happy, and sweet, and cute, and now I get to add to their number. This amazing thing that I am allowed to create and cultivate using my own body is so amazing, and in about 7 more months, I will welcome a sweet child into this world. Then I will snuggle and kiss this baby. I will count his toes, and I will name him.

God is so good to allow me to share in 
His creative power.

Why did I choose this life?

I have been reading so many blogs lately about mothers feeling run-down, depleted, defeated, and exhausted. I'm sure some of this is partly due to the holidays. Mothers, stay at home mothers in particular, are in charge of the holiday gatherings, activities, decorations, prepartions, and food. It is overwhelming. But I think there is more to it than that. Moms in general have just been venting on their blogs about how hard and unpleasant it is to be moms...

So I was think about this and how I identify with them. The strive for perfectionism, except for me I strive for mediocrity. I haven't reached a point were I can strive for perfection. Not just that, dealing with the day to day horror of children fighting, mess making, dinner making, dealing with husbands, and, the big one, being pregnant, or having a new born. These things sound terrible. Why would anyone want to live this life of constant self sacrifice and sleep deprivation and serving people who don't usually appreciate it?

I love it. I do. I love this life of trying to find room in a place that seems to be full. Ok I'll admit that some times life seems tough and awful, but compared to the times it's not, wow. I had a friend who doesn't have kids say to me, "Wow, that seems really hard. You don't get any time off at all." Yes, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think, "I wish I could just sleep all day." But who doesn't think that sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could just escape. Have you never fantasized about up and leaving work for the day? Some parts of motherhood are a lot like a regular job.

But I doubt any career will belly laugh when you make a funny face. I doubt any job will bring you a drawing of you wearing a pink dress. I doubt any portion of money will hold your face and say, "I lub you."

Those moments are to die for, and I live them every day. Everyday I have a baby, a tot, and a kid, who tell me they love me, things I already know, and things I have never heard before. I love being a mom, and I dread when I won't have a baby, a tot, and a kid, because this life fits me so well right now, it's hard to imagine life without them. Sure I'll have more time to myself, but I won't have time with them, that's something I'm not ready for. I have always dreamed of being a mom, and this is greater than anything I dreamed.

AMDG JMJ+

As I sit here eating a delicious breakfast and sipping awesome coffee, I saw snow falling out the window. Big puffy snow flakes, really pretty snow. It reminded me of the presence of God, and that reminded me, of my mother...

My mother is a very good mother. She loved us, and she taught us to love God more than anything else.

My mother was always aware of the prescence of God. I remember, when I was little, my Mom's watch broke, and she needed a new one. She was very insistant to find one with an alarm that rang every hour. She was having trouble finding one, which frustrated her. I ask why she needed an one hour alarm. She said that she like to be reminded of the prescence of God every hour. That's why the falling snow led me to this conclusion. I live next to a church and whenever those bells ring (every hour), I am reminded of the prescence of God.

My mother told me always to keep God at the beginging of my day. My mother was a list person. Every moring she would make a plan for herself. And she would always write at the top AMDG and JMJ+. She told me they stand for Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam (All for the Greater Glory of God) and Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

I feel very blessed to have a mother who taught me these things. And I hope I can be a mother like her.