Thursday, September 27, 2012

Smart Mouth

When I was 16 I was a babysitter. At night sometimes a child would complain about monsters. I would reply monsters aren't real. Of course children are much smarter than older people and they know this just isn't true, so as a way of distracting the children who were stuck in a nightmare of where monsters lived and what they believed them to look like, I tried to convince them their imaginations where wrong and that monsters where actually afraid of children and afraid of the dark, because they were scared they couldn't see the children trying to get them. This was somewhat effective. Usually the kids started to talk about something else and then fell asleep.

Now when my eldest suddenly discovered a fear of monsters and the dark I elaborated on the myth. I told him that not only where monsters afraid of the dark and children, but they are made out of chocolate and they are afraid that children will eat them, because children love chocolate. Oh and they only eat chocolate which is why they are made out of chocolate. This wasn't as effective as it was with children who were not my own, but it was better than trying to convince him that there where no monsters.

Last night my 2 year old and 4 year old girls where telling me that they are afraid of the dark and monsters. I replied to them  that monsters are made of chocolate, and they are afraid that children will eat them. My now six year old son replies, 
"Oh yes, and they are made of chocolate, and they have razor sharp candy corn teeth," And I looked at him, as he was ruining the harmlessness of my creation. I replied,
"No, John, they don't need razor sharp teeth all they eat is chocolate. You know they eat chocolate and they are chocolate. You are what you eat." He looked at me in disbelief and with a snarky tone said, 
"Oh yeah, Mama? I'm made of Broccoli?"