Thursday, June 2, 2011

Totally in love with my baby

I love my baby. She is 1. I find her to be so cute and so sweet. The funny thing is that I am perfectly content with my life right now. Meaning that I don't need time to rush forward to see the future. I am very happy with the current stride of life.

The reason I find it so strange to find myself so perfectly content, is usually I am very happy but I can't wait for the future. When I got engaged I couldn't wait for my wedding. My wedding day was great. It was one day. Then it was over and I was looking forward to when I would get pregnant. Then I got pregnant. I wanted desperately to have the baby. Then I had the baby, and I loved him so much, began to wonder what it would be like to have two babies. Then I wondered what it would be like to have three babies. Through out this process, I enjoyed life. I loved my kids. I love the point I was in my life, but I was still eager for it to move forward to see what the future would be like.

Now my life is like this: I'm married, living in a house. I have three awesome kids. And I am expecting my fourth. Some people might find this a little overwhelming. I get overwhelmed with laundry, dishes, toys, messy rooms, bathrooms, yard work add anything to the list of home management. But the children themselves have never overwhelmed me. I don't know why that is. I am not a special person. I don't have some great ability to control myself. Ask anyone. But how many children I have, having a child in the future, does not psyche me out.

This is the only way I can rationalize it. When I consider the children in my future, I can't think of how crazy they will act. What type of work they will cause me. I said I can't think of it. I don't have the ability. I actually try to psyche myself out so that I'm prepared for the future and I try to imagine changing poopy diapers and dealing with a child who intentionally knocks over every pile of laundry I just folded. And even though I try to think negatively about these things, all I can think is: that is one time or 5 times it doesn't last.

Children's lives are full of phases. Nothing with them last forever, except personality. I love my kids personalities. Even if it is stressful at times their personalities describe who they are as people. I think that they are pretty stubborn, obnoxious, outgoing, fun people.

What is important to me is that this journey that I live, means something. That what I do impacts my kids and impacts those people around me. If something were to happen to me, God forbid, my kids not only have dad, they have each other. They have their own little community. Thank God they have each other. Thank God I have them. They make my life meaningful.

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