The last time I took my kids to the store

It has taken me a couple days to really process what happened the other day at the store. I didn't want to go, but we needed food, and I had missed my oppurtunity to go in the morning before my husband went to work. So I tried to think of people who would watch my kids for me, but I felt to guilty to drop them on anyone with out warning.

We finally arrived at the store at 2:30. We had accomplished nothing all day, and my only hope was to get out of the house and finish this task so we could try to get some stuff done afterward. Anyway, we are now at the store and I explain to my 5yr old that when I take them to the store it takes twice as long as when I go by myself. I ask him to please control himself so we can get out of here fast. Thus our adventure begins.

I grab a cart in the parking lot so I an efficiently get into the store. However, every cart has broken straps. Well I figure speed is the key let's just risk it. I plop the tot (#3) and the three year old (#2) in the cart and we walk quickly into the store, and then I notice my pregnant bladder is full and I got to go bad. I'm not going to because bathroom at the store with the three kids is just too chaotic and takes way to long, so I ignor and move on.

Enter the cereal isle, with fruit snacks. My #2 screams because she wants a different flavor of fruit snack than the one everyone else wants, and she doesn't want the flavor of cereal I suggested. We move on and my oldest (#1) realizes that he has forgotten his cheap plastic toy story ring in the cereal isle. He goes and thankfully finds it and now we are in the canned tomato isle. My #2 insists on sitting on the edge of the cart with her feet dangling. I'm against it, but we need to keep moving, I don't think it is worthwhile fight. While I'm trying to decide on the best pasta my #1 very loudly exclaims, "She peed on the floor! She peed! I think she did, Mama. I'll check," smells the puddle on the floor. "Yes, it's pee!"

Some how, after many stops and starts involving that cheap plastic ring, we are in dairy, when the tot has had enough, and she stands in her seat and screams for down. I mean SCREAMS. She left her shoes in the car so I can't put her down except I do because while she is screaming the middle child slips off the cart and falls on the floor. A lady witnesses this and is saying, "Oh my God. Oh my God." I run to see middle child, who is fine, with a tiny scrape on her elbow, but is crying out of fear and a little pain, and thus the tot gets away and peels down the isle. How I wish I had a cart with buckles.

Ok now we are all together, reasonably calm with two walking children. I attempt to get in the check out when #2 lags behind to look at something and while this is happening a lady slides in and takes my spot. What the heck? really? I should have stayed right there and let my #3 scream and annoy her for cutting in front of me, but instead I wanted to leave. I thankfully found another line that was moving and everything is going great until I check out, and I need garbage stickers and the cashier missed things my #3 was sitting on, so I go to the service desk.

The line is long, so I decide to self check out the couple of items I missed and get cash for the stickers. While checking out, #2 decides she is bored and leaves. She disappears. The first time I have ever freaked out for a missing child, because I have no idea where she is or why she is gone. As I'm coordinating with a cashier as to how to find her, I spot her in between the doors. I get everyone together, and we still have to wait in line at the service desk. When I get home I find out I was charged $17 a pound for $1 a pound tea. Yay, I get to go back... alone.

Humility

There are so many things to discuss today. I think I'll talk about humility.

You the Catholic Church teaches that Mary was perfect due to her Immaculate Conception, celebrated today, and her complete submission to God. She was completely humble. And today I begged for help keeping my kids quiet today, from the Blessed Mother. I think instead she gave me a lesson in humility.

Now I have been making bad choices this week. I keep leaving the gate open to the kitchen which has aided the toddler in dumping water from the water jug, dog bowl and the toilet brush. I chose to try to focus on Christmas shopping yesterday mornign that provided a very messy house and miserable kids. Today I chose to sit in the front at Mass.

As my son tromped to the front row today, I was debating whether it was a good idea. I really wanted to sit upfront. I think it is the most encouraging way to have my children participate in the Mass. My son is able to see everything, and he is very close to the tabernacle. These things I believe are really important to his understanding of the mass, so I figured everything would be fine. I was wrong.

My toddler was doing ok for the beginning of mass. She was a little squirmy, and she complained a bit but she seemed to be reasonably quiet. Then she decided that she no longer wanted to be by me, she no longer wanted the pew, she no longer wanted to be quiet, and I as I tried to keep her quiet she got louder and louder and threw a tremendous tantrum right during the most solemn part of the mass, keeping me stuck in the pew out of reverence for the Blesses Sacrament.

As soon as I was able I gathered my stuff and took my screaming toddler with my 3 year old to the back, leaving my five year old behind because he would not pay attention to me. the was a woman who came to the back and asked if I needed any help, and I lamented that my son was left behind. She kindly told him to come to the back, and to my horror, I saw him running down the center isle.

So now everyone knows without a doubt that yes my children are loud and everyone had it brought to their attention as I tried desperately to remove myself to the back. I am not a perfect mother, and I'm sure there were so many bad thoughts coming my way. I am very sorry for the huge disruption. I am completely humbled.

Celebrating Advent 2011

Being Catholic this new liturgical year is big for us. We have a new translation for the mass. A better translation of the Latin, which speaks to our faith. This past Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent in the Roman calender. And we have finally, as a family, got the Advent thing started the way I wanted to.

When I was a child my sister and I always made an Advent calender. And my mother little the advent wreath candles every night. I am not a crafty person, at all. I'm not I don't like making things and doing art projects. I do in theory but not in actuality. However. I am very adamant about having an advent calender, not a December calender. This year advent is a full lunar month, 28 days and so I made a 28 day calender. Yes It does look like a 8 year old made it, but I'm proud of it dang it! And I made my own Advent wreath, because I didn't want to spend money on one, so I made one for 6 bucks.

So for my calender I drew a nativity scene on a poster board. then I cut out pieces of paper that would serve as the shape for doors. I placed them over the images I wanted to reveal and put double sided tape on top of that. Then I took another poster board put it on top. then I cut out the door shapes, and finally I decorated the front of the poster board and glue and taped the two pieces together.

For my advent wreath, I bought a metal circle for making a floral wreath. My husband, using wire, attached plastic candle holders. then I wrapped an ever green garland and hot glued fake holly leaves to decorate. Evergreen, stands for life and eternity (God), and the Holly leaves foreshadow the crown of thorns. I wanted the decorations to have meaning.

Why did I choose this life?

I have been reading so many blogs lately about mothers feeling run-down, depleted, defeated, and exhausted. I'm sure some of this is partly due to the holidays. Mothers, stay at home mothers in particular, are in charge of the holiday gatherings, activities, decorations, prepartions, and food. It is overwhelming. But I think there is more to it than that. Moms in general have just been venting on their blogs about how hard and unpleasant it is to be moms...

So I was think about this and how I identify with them. The strive for perfectionism, except for me I strive for mediocrity. I haven't reached a point were I can strive for perfection. Not just that, dealing with the day to day horror of children fighting, mess making, dinner making, dealing with husbands, and, the big one, being pregnant, or having a new born. These things sound terrible. Why would anyone want to live this life of constant self sacrifice and sleep deprivation and serving people who don't usually appreciate it?

I love it. I do. I love this life of trying to find room in a place that seems to be full. Ok I'll admit that some times life seems tough and awful, but compared to the times it's not, wow. I had a friend who doesn't have kids say to me, "Wow, that seems really hard. You don't get any time off at all." Yes, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think, "I wish I could just sleep all day." But who doesn't think that sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could just escape. Have you never fantasized about up and leaving work for the day? Some parts of motherhood are a lot like a regular job.

But I doubt any career will belly laugh when you make a funny face. I doubt any job will bring you a drawing of you wearing a pink dress. I doubt any portion of money will hold your face and say, "I lub you."

Those moments are to die for, and I live them every day. Everyday I have a baby, a tot, and a kid, who tell me they love me, things I already know, and things I have never heard before. I love being a mom, and I dread when I won't have a baby, a tot, and a kid, because this life fits me so well right now, it's hard to imagine life without them. Sure I'll have more time to myself, but I won't have time with them, that's something I'm not ready for. I have always dreamed of being a mom, and this is greater than anything I dreamed.

Kale

I am on a tight budget. The question is how to get the most healthy food out of a tight budget? I make my own yogurt, which reminds me that I need to make a batch. There are a lot of great probiotic foods that can be made, just I'm not to crazy about the flavor or texture of most of them. If I'm going to drink rice milk, I want something that tastes closer to horchata, rather than "Nourishing Traditions" lactic acid fermented rice milk. Then Kombucha is great, but mine never tastes as good as the stuff you by. I might just stink at lacto-fermentation. That aside I needed a cheap way to increase my supplementation, because I don't eat an ideal diet, and I can't afford one that fits my palette.

All that being said, I wanted to supplement my prenatal vitamins. I think that I need more raw stuff in my diet, and I definitely need more greens. While I was pondering this, I was at the store looking at vegetables. It hit me right then. A moment of perhaps divine inspiration, kale 89 cents each. My niece raved about kale a couple summers ago. She put it in juices and loved it. I couldn't comprehend that. I just thought kale sounded gross. But there it was cheap and dark green and staring at me. I grabbed it and decided to put the juicer to use. That was it. I was going to get my greens.

I brought it home and put it to work. I tried to find recipes online, but was having trouble with the simplest of tasks that day and came up almost dry. I found one recipe, incidentally I had everything in my house that I needed. I tossed half an apple, celery, carrot and kale in the juicer and hoped I'd be able to drink it. As the kale grinded, it smelled just like cut grass, and I thought, "Yay! I get to eat lawn clippings!" It was a poor choice of colors, because it looked like mud, but I just drank it. It didn't taste terrible. It was definitely drinkable. It went down much easier than a powdered green drink.

So here I go delving in the world of juicing. I'm excited. I am a faddy person, so I wonder how long this will hold my interest. I hope for at least 21 weeks. That's the time left on the ticker.

Painful Labor- why I do this repeatedly...

Hurray! I'm pregnant again! I am very excited. It's a thrill for me, because I love being pregnant, and I love little newborns. I also love being in labor.

I'm not crazy. Ok, I might be a little bit. No, I am not a masochist, and no, I don't have a special drug given to me that allows me to view the birth from outside my body. I'm there for the whole thing. I feel everything and yeah, although I don't like pain, really I hate pain, I love pushing out babies.


I have done this three times already. I have delivered all babies at home without any drugs- no epidural, no petocin, no demeral. I have felt some pain. By some I mean a lot. Labor hurts that's just the way it is. It has been that way since, the existence of mankind. Pain is a very subjective term. Some people have a low threshold for pain. Some labors are more painful than others. My labors were not all the same in the way they felt. The pain I went though was not easy so don't think that's why I did it.

I remember the first time I was in labor. It was just the beiginning of the pain and I was like, "Women are so wimpy. I could totally do this for hours." I don't know why I thought that was were the pain would end. It just got worse. Then I thought it was the worst it could be and it got worse. That happened like four times. Then it got so painful I knew I couldn't do it any more, then it was time to push. The pain was different now. I was pushing out a baby with a huge head, and I felt like I was going to split in two. Then he was out, and it was over. I held my first baby and it was awesome. I just succeeded. Feeling the parts of labor that weren't painful, were so amazing, they were well worth the pain I did feel. However, I thought, "How will I ever do that again?"

Two years later I'm in intense labor pain again. I'm in the water, and I'm thinking, "If I were in a hospital right now I would so have an epidural." 3 minutes later baby two is out and in my arms beautiful and sweet. It was over. It was such a fast pushing stage that I barely noticed it.

Two years later: baby three is due any day. I'm not in labor but I get a Braxton Hicks contraction. I think "No, I can't do this now. There is no way. I'm not ready for this..." a week later I am in labor and it does not hurt that badly yet, but I know what's coming, "Am I crazy? Why would I do this again? Why do I keep having babies? Don't I realize it hurts?" I have good easy labor and push that baby out in 20 minutes. I did all the pushing myself. I was the only one who knew when to push, and I pushed, and pushed. When she came out I picked her up and there she was. It was over. It was so amazing. I wanted to do it again.

Now I'm doing it again. I so look forward to it. Pain is not a pleasant experience. Laboring in my own home with people that I love around me is a good experience. Labor is like a quest and as a reward I get a baby. Most things that are worth doing require pain. Isn't it painful to suffer though four years of college? Home work, tests papers, getting up early and staying up late studying. Marriage is painful. Raising children is painful. Everything that has meaning in life seems to come with pain. Why not embrace it and get through it?

Unselfish reasons to choose (or have by accident) more than one child

I was taken aback about six months ago, when a woman I know told me, having more than one child is selfish. I know that I shouldn't take that personally, even though she knows that I have three and intend to have more. But instead of getting mad at this professional mother (her words), of one infant, I began to reflect on her statement.

I think I might agree with her that having more than one child is selfish, if my child were a pet. As much as we like to congratulate ourselves on giving a pet a loving home. The real reason we get them is to make ourselves happy. We get a creature that loves us and is there for us to cuddle and love objectively. We love it for how it makes us feel, we do not love it for it's own self worth, its virtue or for what it is. If that was how I felt about my child, then yes, having more than one would be selfish, because I wouldn't be contributing anything to society except one more mouth for the state to feed.

Just  a little digression here. I am not saying that having a pet is bad. I love animals, and I have had two dogs and a cat, so I offer no disrepect to pet owners.

The way the vast majority of people, the ones who don't abuse their children and keep them in cages, regard their children is as people, who they love regardless of what they are, who they are, or how they are. Infact as parents we love and find joy in our children because of these things. It's the hard times that makes you love your kids more. And not for your sake. It is because you do, and because of their sake. We love our kids because we know they need to be loved, and that is our job, and it is not easy.

So I have compiled a list of reasons it is not selfish to have more than one child:

My children have permanent playmates
They learn social skills with children of different age groups every single moment of every day
They will never be alone, unless a freak accident occurs and kills every person in our family except one.
If said accident occured, I had a lot of siblings so they still wouldn't be a lone they would have cousins, they have grown up with.
When they are adults they will have people to lean on that they know better than anyone else.
Their children will have cousins, that is if two of them have kids and this becomes more likely with the more kids I have.
I use cloth diapers, and dump poop from them in the toilet and then wash said diapers
I change diapers
I listen to people complain about kids
I listen to my kids complain about everything
my house constantly needs to be cleaned
I need to make meals for a family of five
 fold laundry for said family
I take my kids to the store instead of leaving them home alone to fend for themselves (after all they are 5,3,1)
It is not always fun to take them to the store
and the list goes on.

But the reason I choose to be open to more children, and desire it is because of the first reasons on the list. Also because I love them. My love increases with every child. I love my husband. Our love is so great it needs to procreate. It can not be contained, because with every child, we love each other more. The more love is created the more it creates. Procreative love. Love that knows no boundaries.