Why did I choose this life?

I have been reading so many blogs lately about mothers feeling run-down, depleted, defeated, and exhausted. I'm sure some of this is partly due to the holidays. Mothers, stay at home mothers in particular, are in charge of the holiday gatherings, activities, decorations, prepartions, and food. It is overwhelming. But I think there is more to it than that. Moms in general have just been venting on their blogs about how hard and unpleasant it is to be moms...

So I was think about this and how I identify with them. The strive for perfectionism, except for me I strive for mediocrity. I haven't reached a point were I can strive for perfection. Not just that, dealing with the day to day horror of children fighting, mess making, dinner making, dealing with husbands, and, the big one, being pregnant, or having a new born. These things sound terrible. Why would anyone want to live this life of constant self sacrifice and sleep deprivation and serving people who don't usually appreciate it?

I love it. I do. I love this life of trying to find room in a place that seems to be full. Ok I'll admit that some times life seems tough and awful, but compared to the times it's not, wow. I had a friend who doesn't have kids say to me, "Wow, that seems really hard. You don't get any time off at all." Yes, sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think, "I wish I could just sleep all day." But who doesn't think that sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could just escape. Have you never fantasized about up and leaving work for the day? Some parts of motherhood are a lot like a regular job.

But I doubt any career will belly laugh when you make a funny face. I doubt any job will bring you a drawing of you wearing a pink dress. I doubt any portion of money will hold your face and say, "I lub you."

Those moments are to die for, and I live them every day. Everyday I have a baby, a tot, and a kid, who tell me they love me, things I already know, and things I have never heard before. I love being a mom, and I dread when I won't have a baby, a tot, and a kid, because this life fits me so well right now, it's hard to imagine life without them. Sure I'll have more time to myself, but I won't have time with them, that's something I'm not ready for. I have always dreamed of being a mom, and this is greater than anything I dreamed.

Unselfish reasons to choose (or have by accident) more than one child

I was taken aback about six months ago, when a woman I know told me, having more than one child is selfish. I know that I shouldn't take that personally, even though she knows that I have three and intend to have more. But instead of getting mad at this professional mother (her words), of one infant, I began to reflect on her statement.

I think I might agree with her that having more than one child is selfish, if my child were a pet. As much as we like to congratulate ourselves on giving a pet a loving home. The real reason we get them is to make ourselves happy. We get a creature that loves us and is there for us to cuddle and love objectively. We love it for how it makes us feel, we do not love it for it's own self worth, its virtue or for what it is. If that was how I felt about my child, then yes, having more than one would be selfish, because I wouldn't be contributing anything to society except one more mouth for the state to feed.

Just  a little digression here. I am not saying that having a pet is bad. I love animals, and I have had two dogs and a cat, so I offer no disrepect to pet owners.

The way the vast majority of people, the ones who don't abuse their children and keep them in cages, regard their children is as people, who they love regardless of what they are, who they are, or how they are. Infact as parents we love and find joy in our children because of these things. It's the hard times that makes you love your kids more. And not for your sake. It is because you do, and because of their sake. We love our kids because we know they need to be loved, and that is our job, and it is not easy.

So I have compiled a list of reasons it is not selfish to have more than one child:

My children have permanent playmates
They learn social skills with children of different age groups every single moment of every day
They will never be alone, unless a freak accident occurs and kills every person in our family except one.
If said accident occured, I had a lot of siblings so they still wouldn't be a lone they would have cousins, they have grown up with.
When they are adults they will have people to lean on that they know better than anyone else.
Their children will have cousins, that is if two of them have kids and this becomes more likely with the more kids I have.
I use cloth diapers, and dump poop from them in the toilet and then wash said diapers
I change diapers
I listen to people complain about kids
I listen to my kids complain about everything
my house constantly needs to be cleaned
I need to make meals for a family of five
 fold laundry for said family
I take my kids to the store instead of leaving them home alone to fend for themselves (after all they are 5,3,1)
It is not always fun to take them to the store
and the list goes on.

But the reason I choose to be open to more children, and desire it is because of the first reasons on the list. Also because I love them. My love increases with every child. I love my husband. Our love is so great it needs to procreate. It can not be contained, because with every child, we love each other more. The more love is created the more it creates. Procreative love. Love that knows no boundaries.

One of Those Days

Last week I took my kids to the store. We had a wonderful time. We got treats, and when we got home, my five year old put away the groceries. It was a lovely day that fueled the pride I have in my children.

The next day we needed to go back to the store. When I say needed, it means we didn't have a choice. While we were at this other store, my lovely children were not lovely at all. There was running and lolly gagging and back talking and disobeying. It was horrible. I'm sure LZ Granderson would have a had a few words for me.

I did throw a little tantrum on facebook about his article. The tantrum devolved into a pitty feast, and it was just not good...


That aside, my point is my children, and most other people's, don't behave their best all the time. They don't because they have very little self control. It is my job as a parent to teach them self control, I accept that task and embrace it. I don't need some nosy jerk, who spends .01% of his time around children telling me how to properly restrain my children.

Vocations require sacrifice. And what's more if you didn't sacrifice for your vocation, you wouldn't value it. Occasionally, I worry that I scare people away from motherhood by showing them the unpleasant side of it. I don't mean to scare them. I mean to prepare them. The unpleasantness is was makes the little joys so joyful!

There is a story called a The Week of Sundays . A long time ago people didn't do any work on Sundays and it was a day of feasting, rest and family time. This man wished for a week of Sundays. As there was no work being done, there was no food, and resting gets boring after a couple days. At the end of the story the man exclaims, "The only days of rest I want are the ones I've worked six days to earn."

The harder the work the greater the benefits, with your children, with your soul. Suffering is redemptive. So I say, having children is hard. The more you have the harder it gets, but the suffering and the hard work that goes into them, reaps so many wonderful rewards: love, companionship, pride, joy, and laughter to name a few. They are well worth the suffering.