Easter (extended version)

Hello all Easter week is coming to an end and I think I wantto sharesomeof the quirks and adevtures of the past week starting from Holy Thursday.
Last week Thursday, as we do every year we hax a stare meal. I was particularly excited this year because I am beginning Abby's prep for firsst communion. I was explaning to her that weare recreating the feast Jesus had before he died. When he gave us his body to eat, in the form of bread and wine. Hopefully she is beginning to grasp the concept. But mostly I want my kids to associate specific rituals with specific days so that can begin to recognize the importance of these days and why we do the things we do.

Good Friday a great tradition of buying feasting food. We travel to Gene's suasage shop. Affectionately referred to as the cow store, because of the Giant cow on sign. My mom buys smoked sausage, fresh sausage, kabanosy, horseradish with beets, polish rye bread, morski cheese and muenster cheese, sauerkraut salad, beet salad, cross bread, butter lambs, sugar lambs and beer. Every year on this fasting day for 29 years I have gone here. I brought John with. As we drove to the city and back home again I reminded John of footsteps of Christ. Now He's standing before Pilate. Now He's being scourged now at 12 o'clock He's being nailed to the cross. It's 3 o'clock Christ has died.

I woke in the stillness of Holy Saturday. I gathered my troop of children. We ventured over to the church with easter baskets full of feasting food to be blessed. After the blessing we traveled home. As I began preparing my contribution to the feast, a cheese pascha, I realized I had no almonds. I got the troop back into the car and we were off to the store. Finally completing Holy Saturday with egg dying, I fell into bed awaitng the sun.

Easter greeted us with a shining sun and gorgeous weather. We found our easter baskets, attended a beautiful mass, and head over the feast. We drank champagne, ate sausage and babka and cheese pascha.Christ is risen! I have been drinking coffee with whipped cream in it every day because, He is risen! I have only a little pascha left and hardly any candy. Easter week might soon be over but at least easter season lasts for forty days.

Finally Term! Hello 37 weeks!

Now I am beginning to wrap up my birth and labor prep. I am finding out that for the first time I am not ready at 37 weeks. I have the truly important stuff done. My birth box is complete. When I have the baby I have all the things I need for a good, safe birth. I know lists are boring but if you are curious what is in my birth list this is what I have prepared.

• Yellow fold with born at home birth certificates for foot prints
• ink pad
• Emergncy phone numbers
• birth pool
• pool thermoniter
• hose
• faucet adapter for hose
• 6 towels for drying mother getting in and out of tub
• 6 towles for baby
• 6 washcloths (cold compresss and misc)
• 2 plastic drop cloths for under the pool and to cover it
• thick drop cloth to use as a liner for pool
• unbreakable bowl
• olive oil
• witch hazel
• cord band
• diapers
• blanket
• Button front shirt for skin to skin bonding
• motrine
• 2 peri bottles (one for upstairs, one for down)
• Bulb Syringe (for aspiration if necessary)
• Plastic backed sheet to cover couch with for after delivery
• camera
• 2 lg garbage bags
• 2 tall size garbage
• post op sponges
• chucks pads
• depends 
• ice packs
• electrolyte drink, coconut water
• oj
• eggs
• food and coffee for birth attendants
• ginger brew
• peppermint EO for Nausea
• Clary sage EO for pain management
• golden seal for cord care
• magnesium oil for after pains
• peroxide (for clean up)
• Neroli EO for anxiety
• paper towels
• small comb (acupressure pain management)
• after birth soaks: Tub tea, Epsom salt, Lavender and Jasmine EO

Also we turned up the water heater temp. And I am going to need to ask someone to pick up food for us for after. Also champagne.

Happy birthday Katii!

My sister Katii passed away last year battling lymphoma. I just want to reflect a
Iittle on her today. I started this on her birthday January 23, but I finished today.

I asked her help with making lunch on her birthday. I believe she inspired me.  I believe in the communion of saints, and that Katii and I can talk and help each other even though we are separated by earthly death. The meal was a success.

Katii was a fantastic cook, she was a model mother, and had an eye for beauty. I wanted to be like her when I was little, and when I grew up, I wanted her good habits and skills. I think about her frequently. Often memories of ways she helped me. She was a big sister, a model big sister. She took care of me when I was a baby and has helped me all the way even into adulthood.

I always felt special sharing my birth month with her. She was the oldest girl and I the youngest. Our birthdays were in January. I got to share it with her. This was just one of the many things I felt I had in common with Katii. I thought we were so alike. We had the same long golden hair (hers was longer), the same teeth, the same height, same love of shoes (she probably loved them more). I just always, even when I was very young, thought of myself as a little Katii. When I was little, In my mind, my three sisters paired off, Tessa and Lena, Katii and me.

I really miss her. I feel like I missed so many opportunities to be with her and learn from her. I don't even have a recent picture of us. The only one I found was from my wedding, nine years ago.

Happy Birthday, Katii! Pray for me! Pray that by God's grace one day we will be happy together again.

25 weeks

Wow. 25 weeks already. I am way behind. I have all sorts of things I want to make for my baby and things I want finished, but nothing seems to be making any progress but the size of my belly and the growth of this little one.

Honestly today I felt very good because I actually emptied my sink for the first time in three days. My sink is clean and empty. My floor is vacuumed. My kids are in bed. And finally we pretty much finished school for the day. My kindergartener quit after phonics and I couldn't get her attention again. This is my life right now.

I can't get anything done, my food budget needs work, I hate my meal plan for the week, and I am totally overwhelmed with planning the financials of this birth. Normally I would just try very hard to say, God will provide. Only this time, I have to actually do something. I can't just sit back and wait for a miracle. Normally I have no choice but to just do nothing but pray and allow God to work. But this time I have to make a decision, and God help me make the right one.

I have never been extremely prudent. Prudence is virtue of making good decisions. I always think I am being prudent until I make the decision then I'm sure I made the wrong one. And this time I was so confident that I made the most prudent decision.

Now I need to figure out to go forward and be able to pay for this baby. And this is more complicated than having the money. There are a number of moving parts here. I need to trust God, but I'm having more trouble trusting myself. Most days, with all this chaos that surrounds me, I just want to cry. And cry. And cry. Problem is that won't even make me feel better. It won't get the dishes done, the lunch made, school completed, or the laundry washed and folded. Nope. It will just waste my time, and I do that well enough with out adding an emotional break down to the mix.

Forgive me for this particular emotional break down. It's like I've waited all day for it. As soon as this particular problem is fixed, hopefully we will only have smooth sailing ahead.

Half way

21 weeks today. I can not believe it. Time is going by so fast. I remember with my first pregnancy that nine months was way too long to wait to have a baby. And pregnancy was just ok. I was sick all the time and i had horrible back problems. I was waiting for the day that I would see my beautiful sweet baby. Then with my second I started to appreciate more the journey to the finish line. And so with each subsequent a pregnancy i have learned to appreciate the pregnancy part more. I truly feel the magic of caring a living human being with in yourself now. It is remarkable feeling this little creation move and know that I participated in making him, or her.

Preparation for the labor has become a very special activity to me. Labor is like like nothing else in the world. The pain is tremendous, but the experience is transcendent. So many time when thinking about labor during this pregnancy i am reminded of bible verses and Christ's own words. Constantly we see the image of a woman wailing in the pain of child birth.

Why, does God so often remind us of this image?
The woman wailing in the throws of labor until she brings forth her child.
Often we see image when we talk of Israel waiting for Christ and we see this image also compared to purgatory, and to us on earth awaiting heaven. I strangely desire this experience so that i may live out part of the images of the Bible. That sounds very strange. I don't even like the way it sounds when I say it out loud. I sound crazy. I'm not looking forward to the pain. No actually, before I even became pregnant this time, I was waking up in the middle of the night with the anxiety of going through labor. I knew I wanted another child. I wanted to be pregnant. I was scared of the pain of child birth. But then as time went on, that fear faded. I know it will l hurt, but I'm not afraid anymore.

Happy 2nd Trimester!

That's right. I am finally 13 weeks along. The second trimester is supposed to be full of energy and well being. So far I still have some stomach and digestion issues as well as some food aversions that only hit me every once in a while. The real kicker is how tired I have been since Saturday! I am so flippin tired I can barely believe it; however, I am thrilled to not be as anal about my coffee consumption as baby is growing pretty big.

As far as my back is concerned, yoga does help, but it still bothers me occasionally especially when I am under certain kinds of stress. I think the back thing is becoming manageable, and I am happy about that.

This baby will be my fifth home birth. I am very excited about it. What I have learn is that preparations for labor can never be started too early. My sister, mother of 9, all homebirths, advised me that as soon as I am excited about preparing I should get on it. If I put it off, I may not feel I have the energy, and I have found that to be true.

Labor preparation has many different aspects to it. There is preparing your body, mind, soul, your home, and ensuring you have the supplies you need. I need to move my son out of his sisters' room so I will have to redecorate the 'girl' room and decorate the 'boy' room. Also I homeschool, so this year we are trying out a different area of our house as our 'school' room. That is going to need to be all prepared. I need to organize the baby stuff and the labor stuff. On top of this is also the exercises I need to do to get my body totally ready for a great birth.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I will be responsible for what at this point seems like so many children; I have to face labor again. While labor is an amazing event, unlike anything I know of, it is incredibly intense and painful. So I have some ideas as how to maximize pain management. I have finally realized that is what my objective is, so far as pain.

I came across a device called Laboraide. I don't know anyone who has used this, but the concept is intriguing. It is a dental appliance. It holds your mouth slightly open. I believe this would allow for vocalization and prevent teeth grinding. I'm sure you could just used a rag to bite down on, for a very traditional approach, but this would allow for mouth breathing. Supposedly this is one of the benefits, I guess because it allows the woman more oxygen and therefore more energy.

This is were I am currently with my pregnancy. I am enthusiastically awaiting new development!

11 weeks

It's complaint time! My back hurts. It is completely messing me up. I can't do anything because my lower back is aching so bad.

Honestly, first I was afraid this was the first symptom of a miscarriage. I tried very hard to be calm and stress free, but after the last two years I realize, even if you don't actually feel stressed your brain is still stressing, if you are encountered with a stressful situation.

That aside. I don't feel as though I am miscarrying anymore, because a massive dose of nausea hit me. God is good! Yes, more suffering, but it is a relief to be reminded that things are probably ok.

Well, a great way to manage this problem is yoga stretches. I did my stretches, and my back still hurts. I just drank my coffee for the day, and as I'm waiting for it to kick in I have decided to blog.

I am so psyched that I am 11 weeks. I am almost done with the first trimester. I really cannot wait until Sunday. As each week passes, I feel more secure, because my chances of losing my baby reduce, while the don't disappear.  I swear that every once in while I feel something in my belly. I cannot wait until I can definitely feel those kicks and twists.

Today I was just thinking how blessed I am to have some many wonderful kids. I am surrounded by my children, and they are happy, and sweet, and cute, and now I get to add to their number. This amazing thing that I am allowed to create and cultivate using my own body is so amazing, and in about 7 more months, I will welcome a sweet child into this world. Then I will snuggle and kiss this baby. I will count his toes, and I will name him.

God is so good to allow me to share in 
His creative power.